015. Are you a serial people-pleaser?
ARE YOU A SERIAL PEOPLE-PLEASER?
No shame, dear ones. We all have our things we struggle with. If this so happens to be the weighty clock you find yourself wearing, I have great hope that in your healing you will find glory and wonder inside of you that you never knew existed. I know that I have and I am still stumbling my way towards greater healing and wholeness. I wanted to share a few questions and resources that were helpful for me to begin my journey of healing.
Below are eight questions you may consider asking yourself when you find yourself in the throws of people-pleasing patterns. Pulling out your journaling and allowing yourself to slowly work through these questions will bring the most insight!
What do I believe will happen at the end of making and keeping everyone happy?
What is it about this specific person’s approval that I believe will make me “alright” in the world?
Does this person or people you’re trying to please remind you of anyone in your past? If so, who and how?
Who did I have to work hard to keep happy when I was younger? What was that experience like?
What are the parts of myself that I don’t allow to be seen because I believe it may upset or distance me from other people?
What’s in it for me when I keep everyone happy?
What do I imagine happening if someone is upset with me? What is so scary for me about that scenario?
How might I need to reach out for help, ask for support, and let a safe person know I’m struggling with this? <<< That in and of itself is HUGE in terms of beginning the healing process!
Learning to be loyal to your own needs, desires, and most authentic self over the exhausting fanfare of making sure everyone is happy and okay takes time, discipline, and dedication, along with generous doses of tenderness, gentleness, and learning to give yourself what you needed when you were younger.
Some great resources to aid you in your journey are Codependent No More and Journey to the Heart. Boundaries and Conquering Codependency. Additionally, you may consider visiting your local Codependency Anonymous Meeting, going to see a counselor, or beginning to work with a coach to help you create healthier patterns for relating to others.
The journey is anything but linear, dear ones. Keep tending to the fire of your hope because you and me…WE CAN DO HARD THINGS!